Its been a tough couple of weeks. The most infamous single mother of all time - Torie Hansen - has created an international incident that will undoubtedly affect all those singles out there who just want to have children, or just want to provide a home for a child. It is really sad that someone would take such outrageous actions against an 8 year old child! As frustrated as I am sometimes with one or both the girls, as much as I would LOVE to run away and become a beachcomber - I would NEVER NEVER leave my girls, let alone send them back where they came from as unaccompanied minors! I can only conclude that the purpose of this action was to provoke some kind of international incident - now, maybe it wasn't Torie Hansen's agenda, but it certainly was someone's!
And provoke an international incident it did - the US and Russia are talking about an international agreement whereby the US would accept some responsbility for seeing about the children adopted from the Russian Federation. This is a good thiing - its just going to be hard to manage, since the agencies that are accredited by the RF are spread out all over the country! Each agency is sugject to state laws already, and how will the US tie these together? It will be intersting to see.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
Mondays thoughts
I decided to change the title of this blog, because I really started it to share my experiences with the adoption of both daughters. My older daughter was adopted at birth, so I had her as an infant (and must therefore take the blame for anything that goes wrong, right?) My second one, on the other hand, was adopted from Russia at the age of 12 (so does that mean I don't have to blame myself for anything that goes wrong?) These were vastly different experiences, and not just due to the age of the children. The first language Caitlin ever heard was English, so even though she did not really talk until she was 2, what she heard and absorbed was in English. Allie spent 12 and a half years hearing only Russian. Well, she had an English class or two in school, but really had only about 20 words when she got off the plane with us last August.
So while the older one was learning English from early on in her life, the younger one is having to learn English over her first language. She is doing a great job with her conversation, but everything she says has to be translated in her head before it can come out her mouth. How difficult that must be! I know that at some point she will begin to think in English, and while that is great for her here in America, I hate for her to lose her Russian. My hope for her is that she will be able to pick it back up later pretty easily.
So back to the differences - the older one learned early on that school - education - is paramount in our home. I got this from my parents, although to their chagrin I did not "get it" until I was in my 30's! By that time, I had missed some opportunities that might have changed my life. On the other hand, had I not lived my life as I did, would I now have these two wonderful kids in my life? Probably not, so I am not wishing for a different past. I would not change a thing that led to my kids.
The younger one has not been encouraged in education while in Russia; in fact, she has been discouraged by people who did not think she was smart enough to do well in school. I happen to disagree. This child has a lot of potential - potential I want to encourage and nurture. Unfortnately, I am NOT a teacher - in fact, I am a terrible teacher! I have no patience for teaching, and have been spoiled by the fact that my older child somehow (osmosis maybe?) inherited from my dad, her grandfather, the special abilities in math and science that are far beyond mine. So I have not had to teach, because she just "gets it".
The younger one I have to help (I pray for her all the time because of this!) She is quite bright and has made pretty good grades, but has not been taught some of the things I take for granted - like how to look up information, how to cross reference, how to study. So it is falling to me (the absolute worst teacher of all time), to help this child! Help! Kidding aside, its easy to take for granted what she understands at this point, because her conversation is very clear, so I forget that she has not had some of this, and try to slow down a bit to teach her.
These are my thoughts for today - I focused on education today probably because we recently received report cards, so I guess this was on the brain! As usual there were kudos due but also there was the inevitable (What happened to THAT grade?") Well, we live in hope that all will work out next time.
So while the older one was learning English from early on in her life, the younger one is having to learn English over her first language. She is doing a great job with her conversation, but everything she says has to be translated in her head before it can come out her mouth. How difficult that must be! I know that at some point she will begin to think in English, and while that is great for her here in America, I hate for her to lose her Russian. My hope for her is that she will be able to pick it back up later pretty easily.
So back to the differences - the older one learned early on that school - education - is paramount in our home. I got this from my parents, although to their chagrin I did not "get it" until I was in my 30's! By that time, I had missed some opportunities that might have changed my life. On the other hand, had I not lived my life as I did, would I now have these two wonderful kids in my life? Probably not, so I am not wishing for a different past. I would not change a thing that led to my kids.
The younger one has not been encouraged in education while in Russia; in fact, she has been discouraged by people who did not think she was smart enough to do well in school. I happen to disagree. This child has a lot of potential - potential I want to encourage and nurture. Unfortnately, I am NOT a teacher - in fact, I am a terrible teacher! I have no patience for teaching, and have been spoiled by the fact that my older child somehow (osmosis maybe?) inherited from my dad, her grandfather, the special abilities in math and science that are far beyond mine. So I have not had to teach, because she just "gets it".
The younger one I have to help (I pray for her all the time because of this!) She is quite bright and has made pretty good grades, but has not been taught some of the things I take for granted - like how to look up information, how to cross reference, how to study. So it is falling to me (the absolute worst teacher of all time), to help this child! Help! Kidding aside, its easy to take for granted what she understands at this point, because her conversation is very clear, so I forget that she has not had some of this, and try to slow down a bit to teach her.
These are my thoughts for today - I focused on education today probably because we recently received report cards, so I guess this was on the brain! As usual there were kudos due but also there was the inevitable (What happened to THAT grade?") Well, we live in hope that all will work out next time.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Thursday April 15
So I wake up this morning to discover that MSNBC has MIS-reported the suspension of Russian adoptions to the US. Since this is my business, I call Russia right away and talk to the head of our office there and he tells me that there is no basis for the report. I wake up my daughters and think how sad it is that some people will be driven away from adopting by this report, even though it is erroneous. And how lucky I am to have been able to share in the lives of these wonderful kids!
Onto our story.....when I adopted my first child, it took over two years - almost three. In part that was because in those long ago days, single moms were not interesting or considered the "right" people to adopt. Birthmothers basically felt like if they wanted a single mom, they would just keep the baby and raise it themselves! (I don't blame them). But after several aborted attempts, my attorney called and said there was a birth mother who was open to a single mom. After that everything went like clockwork. I was and am convinced that God is the pilot of this ship and that when the right child was ready to be born, I would be able to adopt her.
I am more convinced of that now than ever before. My second adoption took place over 14 years later, but was also two years in the making. In 2007, a family that returned with their child from Russia came to my office and placed a picture on my desk, telling me that I needed to find a family for a particular little girl. I kept her picture on my desk, but she was 10 and most people want younger children, so it was hard to find a family for her. Eventually I came to realize that this child was meant to be in our family - my daughter, Caitlin's sister. So I started the process only to have the child removed from the Children's Home by a Russian foster family in the fall of 2007. So I thought I had mis read the signs, she was not meant to be ours. I kind of put it on the back burner then and concentrated on other things. But my daughter Caitlin still wanted a sibling. In March of 2009 I was notified through a contact that the girl (now known as Allie) had been returned by the foster family to the Children's Home. Wow! What a shock!
By June 1, we were on our way, winging thorugh South Korea to reach Vladivostok, Russia to meet Allie for the first time. I had accomplished it! In less than two months, home study, documents, medical checkup, all that was necessary to make a first trip. (More on this at another time). We met her - but she was already ours before we ever saw her. So we spent a week there, going to the Children's Home every day and amazingly, being able to take her out to lunch, to the skating rink, to the aquarium! At the end of the week, it was official - we would come back ASAP for her.
Our wonderful representative - Oksana Nikulina - said as she was putting us on the plane - "You have two months to get everything in" (this so my older daughter would not miss school which started in August, and Allie could start right away). Unbelievably, it all happened - I like to listen to Joel Osteen, who is the minister for Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas, and he always says that when God's favor opens up on you, things you could not imagine will happen. Well, he is right - USCIS approval in 8 days - psychological exam in 3 days in the middle of the summer when everyone is on vacation - all kinds of things that I could not imagine would happen did - and we made it back to Russia for court on August 5, 2009.
So today, in these uncertain times, I want to encourage people that miracles can and do happen all the time - I have witnessed at least two in my life. :)
Onto our story.....when I adopted my first child, it took over two years - almost three. In part that was because in those long ago days, single moms were not interesting or considered the "right" people to adopt. Birthmothers basically felt like if they wanted a single mom, they would just keep the baby and raise it themselves! (I don't blame them). But after several aborted attempts, my attorney called and said there was a birth mother who was open to a single mom. After that everything went like clockwork. I was and am convinced that God is the pilot of this ship and that when the right child was ready to be born, I would be able to adopt her.
I am more convinced of that now than ever before. My second adoption took place over 14 years later, but was also two years in the making. In 2007, a family that returned with their child from Russia came to my office and placed a picture on my desk, telling me that I needed to find a family for a particular little girl. I kept her picture on my desk, but she was 10 and most people want younger children, so it was hard to find a family for her. Eventually I came to realize that this child was meant to be in our family - my daughter, Caitlin's sister. So I started the process only to have the child removed from the Children's Home by a Russian foster family in the fall of 2007. So I thought I had mis read the signs, she was not meant to be ours. I kind of put it on the back burner then and concentrated on other things. But my daughter Caitlin still wanted a sibling. In March of 2009 I was notified through a contact that the girl (now known as Allie) had been returned by the foster family to the Children's Home. Wow! What a shock!
By June 1, we were on our way, winging thorugh South Korea to reach Vladivostok, Russia to meet Allie for the first time. I had accomplished it! In less than two months, home study, documents, medical checkup, all that was necessary to make a first trip. (More on this at another time). We met her - but she was already ours before we ever saw her. So we spent a week there, going to the Children's Home every day and amazingly, being able to take her out to lunch, to the skating rink, to the aquarium! At the end of the week, it was official - we would come back ASAP for her.
Our wonderful representative - Oksana Nikulina - said as she was putting us on the plane - "You have two months to get everything in" (this so my older daughter would not miss school which started in August, and Allie could start right away). Unbelievably, it all happened - I like to listen to Joel Osteen, who is the minister for Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas, and he always says that when God's favor opens up on you, things you could not imagine will happen. Well, he is right - USCIS approval in 8 days - psychological exam in 3 days in the middle of the summer when everyone is on vacation - all kinds of things that I could not imagine would happen did - and we made it back to Russia for court on August 5, 2009.
So today, in these uncertain times, I want to encourage people that miracles can and do happen all the time - I have witnessed at least two in my life. :)
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
My Introduction
I have not done this before, but in recent months I have come to realize that people need to share their stories and that we can all learn from each other. I am a single mom, twice by adoption. The first domestically, almost 16 years ago (a newborn), and the second internationally from Russia in 2009, (an older child, 12 years old). In each case I believe God led me to these children, but only because he has a sense of humor.
On the occasion of my first adoption, I filled a notebook with the things I would never say to my child. To date, the only thing that remains uncrossed out is that "There are starving children in China who would give a lot to have that food"! Over time I have learned several important things about parenting - (1) There is no manual to answer my philisophical questions about the universe - or my children (2) My mothers's voice really does come out of my mouth in times of stress (3) the unending joy my children have brought is matched only by the stresses of having two adolescent, hormonal girls in the house and (4) Erma Bombeck was always right.
It takes a sense of humor, dedication, an infinite amount of love, trust and a welcoming spirit to be a parent. It probably takes more than that, but maybe I have not learned that stuff yet. Parenting has been an education that I was not expecting. In my innocence lo those many years ago, I had no idea what I was doing or what I was headed for, so I blithely went on about my business raising my little princess. Did I listen when my mother told me that when she got to be a big princess I would be sorry? Of course not! My little girl was perfect!
Well, she IS perfect. In fact, both girls are perfect. Sure we have our times when I am the meanest mother on the earth, (generally when someone is being grounded), and of course there is the inevitable "You are so embarrassing" if I speak to another teenager in their presence! But THEN - there are those times when we all gather in the sunroom, cover ourselves with blankets and talk ourselves silly. There is sharing our favorite show together - family night - family dinner - gosh what a reward! Before Allie, there was just two of us - what a change this has been to add a third! Sibling rivalry - you have nothing on us!. These girls were made sisters by law, not nature, and at ages that are difficult to deal with. But when I hear them in the pool or on the trampoline, laughing and sharing fun times - when the older one asks to take her little sister to the movies, I know that God, in addition to having a good laugh, is smiling down on us.
On the occasion of my first adoption, I filled a notebook with the things I would never say to my child. To date, the only thing that remains uncrossed out is that "There are starving children in China who would give a lot to have that food"! Over time I have learned several important things about parenting - (1) There is no manual to answer my philisophical questions about the universe - or my children (2) My mothers's voice really does come out of my mouth in times of stress (3) the unending joy my children have brought is matched only by the stresses of having two adolescent, hormonal girls in the house and (4) Erma Bombeck was always right.
It takes a sense of humor, dedication, an infinite amount of love, trust and a welcoming spirit to be a parent. It probably takes more than that, but maybe I have not learned that stuff yet. Parenting has been an education that I was not expecting. In my innocence lo those many years ago, I had no idea what I was doing or what I was headed for, so I blithely went on about my business raising my little princess. Did I listen when my mother told me that when she got to be a big princess I would be sorry? Of course not! My little girl was perfect!
Well, she IS perfect. In fact, both girls are perfect. Sure we have our times when I am the meanest mother on the earth, (generally when someone is being grounded), and of course there is the inevitable "You are so embarrassing" if I speak to another teenager in their presence! But THEN - there are those times when we all gather in the sunroom, cover ourselves with blankets and talk ourselves silly. There is sharing our favorite show together - family night - family dinner - gosh what a reward! Before Allie, there was just two of us - what a change this has been to add a third! Sibling rivalry - you have nothing on us!. These girls were made sisters by law, not nature, and at ages that are difficult to deal with. But when I hear them in the pool or on the trampoline, laughing and sharing fun times - when the older one asks to take her little sister to the movies, I know that God, in addition to having a good laugh, is smiling down on us.
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